Have you ever experienced that strange feeling that you get when you’re in a situation, and you feel like you’ve been in the exact same situation before, but really haven’t? It is that peculiar phenomenon when your mind plays tricks on you by making you remember something, but you’re not sure if the memory is real. I think there is a term for that phenomenon, but I can’t remember what it is!

This morning I would like to tell you about a time when my memory played tricks on me. It happened a number of years ago when I was going through the most difficult time of my life. I had made a series of really bad decisions and I was reaping the consequences. I made some serious mistakes and I was overcome with guilt. I had sunk into the darkness of despair and it seemed like my whole life was falling apart. I had done something that shook the core of my soul and made me question all of my beliefs.

It’s still hard for me to talk about it because, you see, I didn’t just make any old mistake. I made the kind of mistake that you regret for the rest of your life and other people remember you for— my best friend died, and I wasn’t there for him. I should have been with him, but a combination of fear, selfishness, and shame kept me away. What made it even worse, my best friend was Jesus!

I am ashamed to admit it, but on the night before Jesus was crucified, I denied him three times. While my Lord was being interrogated by the high priest, I stood outside in the courtyard warming my hands over a charcoal fire. Throughout the evening, three different people asked me if I was Jesus’ disciple, and I told them “no” each time. When I heard the rooster crow after the third denial, I hung my head in disgrace and walked away weeping. The next day Jesus was crucified on the hill called Calvary, and I remained hidden in shameful seclusion.

Have you ever made a huge mistake in your life? Have you ever failed Jesus Christ? Do you live with the pains of regret? Have you ever screwed up so bad that you thought God would never use you again? That’s exactly how I felt! And that is why I was so amazed by the depth of God’s grace and Jesus’ forgiveness.

 

Return to Galilee

The day after Jesus died I found John and he told me everything that happened. I didn’t tell him what I had done though; I was too ashamed. Even after I saw the empty tomb on Sunday morning and Jesus appeared to us in the upper room on Sunday evening, I couldn’t fully participate in the resurrection celebration. I kept thinking about what I had done. I wasn’t even sure if I was his disciple anymore, but when Jesus commanded the other disciples to go to Galilee, he told me to go too. So, I went.

I wasn’t sure why Jesus wanted us to go to Galilee, but after everything that happened, I was glad to get out of Jerusalem and breathe some country air again. So, we returned to my hometown on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. I loved the smell of the lake: it brought back old memories. Have you ever noticed how a scent can bring back a memory?

Well, as I watched the sun set over the horizon I felt the cool breeze kick up across the water, I wondered where Jesus was and how long it would be until he met us. We didn’t know what he wanted us to do, and I wasn’t even sure if I was his disciple anymore. I thought I would be doing ministry the rest of my life; that was, of course, until I failed him. So, I figured that I may as well go back to what I knew best, fishing. My old fishing boat was still there on the sand, right where I left it. We boarded and set out!

I had fished those waters a thousand times when I was growing up, and I knew how to catch fish, but that night seemed to stand still. We worked hard all night, but every time we would bring in the nets they were totally empty. “I failed as a disciple, and now I was failing as a fisherman too,” I thought.

Earlier, I told you that I wanted to tell you about a time that my memory played tricks on me. Well, this was it! As that night faded into morning, I remembered another time when I fished all night and didn’t catch anything. Jesus came along one morning and told me to cast my net on the other side of the boat and I caught so many fish that my nets began to break. It was that very morning when Jesus first called me to be his disciple—he told to leave my nets and follow him; he would make me a fisher of men. It was like I was in the exact same situation again.

And sure enough, as soon as there was enough light to catch a vague view of land, I saw a thin line of smoke rising into the misty sky. I couldn’t see very well, but I caught a vague view of a man building a fire. He yelled, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?” Before I got a chance to respond, someone yelled back, “No!” He told us to throw the net on the other side of the boat and we would catch some. That’s exactly what Jesus had told me to do before, and I began to wonder if…

Within minutes of throwing the net on the other side of the boat, we had so many fish that we couldn’t haul the net in. As my eyes widened at the sight of so many fish, John’s eyes were peculiarly squinted towards the shore. All at once he jumped to his feet as if he had just discovered a treasure chest of precious jewels and shouted to me, “It is the Lord!” I was overcome with a mixture of joy and fear, and I wanted to see him. I had been away from my Lord too long. I threw my cloak on and dove into the water. It was as if I was walking across the water (that brought back another memory, but I’ll have to share that one with you some other time).

As I walked up to him, he was bent over a fire. The first thing I noticed was the fish and bread cooking. Good thing too, because I was starving. I almost asked him how he expected to feed all of us with just a few fish and loaves, but then I remembered that I had make that mistake before too.

When I got close to him, I stopped because I could smell that it was a charcoal fire. It was exactly like the one that I was warming my hands over on that dreaded night when I denied him. He never even looked up. It was as if he was reading my mind. He just asked me to go and bring over some of the fish that we had caught. The boat was almost ashore when I got to it. I hopped aboard and began to drag the net onto the sand. I could hardly budge the net. There ended up being 153 fish all together. Not only was the catch of fish miraculous, but it was also a miracle that the net was not torn. He still performs miracles even after his resurrection.

 

Breakfast of Failures (12-19)

As we walked toward the fire with a few fish in hand, Jesus embraced us with open arms and invited us to join him for breakfast. I gazed upon him with wonder as he broke the fish and loaves with love and distributed them to us. It didn’t take us long to finish the meal. The quenched hunger of our bodies was shadowed only by the satisfaction of our souls by the presence of our Lord.

I was sitting back away from the rest of the group a little. I was still feeling somewhat awkward; almost like I didn’t belong. Being in his presence was bittersweet. In one sense it was the last place I wanted to be, but it was where I wanted to be most.

It was then that Jesus stood up and gestured for me to follow him, and started walking down the long and lonely beach. We walked a while in silence, and when we had gotten out of hearing range of the others, he stopped and put his hand on my shoulder and looked at me with those piercing brown eyes and pointed to the boat and nets that lay stagnant on the shore and said, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” Jesus knew how much I loved fishing, but he also knew that I loved him more. I replied, “Yes Lord, you know that I love you.” Then he said, “Feed my lambs.” He was telling me to rise up and get back to ministry.

I felt totally unworthy. Jesus loved his people more than anything, and he was telling me to take care of them. Then he looked at me a second time and asked me the same question, “Simon son of John, do you truly love me.” I looked up at him again and responded in the same way. Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

I couldn’t understand why he had asked me the same question twice. As I was pondering it, Jesus asked me a third time, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Tears filled my eyes when he asked me that question for the third time. My mind went back to that awful night in the high priest’s court again. I could almost hear a faint rooster crow even though I knew that there was none for miles. My tears dripped on to the sand when I realized that Jesus the third rebuke to remind me of my third denial. Jesus gently pulled my hands away from my glassy eyes and peered into my soul and said one last time, “Feed my sheep.”

Then he went on to tell me that I would eventually be martyred on a cross just like him. Then he gave me two final words. They were the same two words that Jesus spoke to me three years earlier on this same shore. Jesus’ first and last words to me were, “Follow me!”

It was when he said these words I finally realized why he wanted us to go back to Galilee. He wanted me to remember when he first called me to ministry. He wanted to teach me the lesson: Even when you fail him, never stop following him. Oh, my denying him three times in one night wasn’t the first time I failed him, and it certainly wasn’t my last, but since that day on the beach, I’ve never stopped following him.

He didn’t throw my failure back in my face, but he used them to humble me so that I would be effective in service for him. He is gracious and forgiving.

I don’t know how you have failed Christ, but whether it was through action, word, or thought, I know that he still wants you to follow him. Just because you have failed him doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still love you! Just because you have failed him doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want you to be his disciple anymore! Just because you failed him doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still have a plan for your life! Just because you failed him doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to use you in his ministry and service. With Christ, your past mistakes don’t have to define your present discipleship!

Even if we don’t want to admit it, most of us have failed Christ at some point in our lives. Most of us don’t like to talk about it. In fact, most of us don’t even like to think about it. For some it may have been a moral failure: Maybe you knew Christ’s standards for living, but decided to do things your way instead of his. For others it may have been denial: Maybe you were with some people who would persecute you if they knew you were one of his disciples, so you denied him. And there may be others who are too proud to even recognize that they have failed Christ. How about you?

Well, now that I have shared my experience of my memory playing tricks on me, allow me to conclude my story with one question and two challenges: Do you love Jesus this morning? Feed his sheep! Even when we fail Christ, never stop following him!