John and Tina began dating in the ninth grade and remained high school sweethearts all the way through their graduation. Theirs was a classic American tale. John was the quarterback of the football team and Tina was the captain of the cheerleading squad. They both grew up in good families, were immensely popular, and they were successful in everything they did.
Even though they attended different universities, they stayed together through college. They saw each other on every break and spent a lot of money on long-distance calls. No one was surprised when they got married a week after they finished college—after all, they had been together for eight years and were practically already a part of each other’s families. Their church was packed on their wedding day and all of their friends and family rejoiced as they recited their vows and exchanged rings. Everyone was so happy for this young couple with such a bright future that no one would have expected that John was keeping a dark secret that could leave a permanent stain on their marriage.
One Friday night during John’s junior year of college, he and a bunch of his buddies went to a frat party—there was the typical loud music, wild dancing, and a lot of alcohol. John had never been much of a partier, but when a cute and flirtatious brunette in a red tank top challenged him to a game of beer pong, his competitive side got the best of him. His buddies kept egging him on with the chant “Go, Johnny go! Go, Johnny go!” As the evening wore on, John was completely inebriated and his moral compass was spiraling out of control. In a moment of weakness later that night, his flesh gave into temptation.
When he woke up in a strange bed and saw, among other things, a red tank top on the floor, his heart began to pound like a base drum in a marching band. A vision of Tina’s pretty face flashed through his mind and an unfettered feeling of guilt flooded his conscience, and he thought to himself, “Oh my God, how could I have done this?” But he initially decided not to tell Tina. He rationalized his actions with many modern clichés: “It only happened once…it didn’t mean anything…everyone makes mistakes.” But he knew that Tina wouldn’t buy any of these!
Over time, John thought the guilt would pass away, but it didn’t. As he and Tina’s wedding day drew nearer, his heart just grew heavier. Every time her looked her in the eye, he contemplated whether or not he should confess. He felt like it was the right thing to do but he was afraid that she would call off the wedding and end their relationship. So, one by one, he asked his closest friends what he should do. With the exception of only one friend who told him that he should confess, the rest of his buddies told him to keep the secret hidden. He even asked his uncle for advice, and he said, “You’d be an idiot to tell her. Keep quiet, what she doesn’t know won’t hurt her!”
As you consider this case study, let me ask you a few questions. What would you do if you were in John’s place? Would you confess and risk calling off the wedding and ruining the relationship? Or would you keep the truth hidden and hope that Tina would never find out? If a friend came to you with a story like this, what would you say? What kind of advice would you give—confess the truth or keep the secret?
This all too familiar story illustrates the principle found in Proverbs 13:20, which says “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” Had John surrounded himself with wise people instead of fools, he wouldn’t have put himself in such a compromising position in the first place. He wouldn’t have been pressured into drinking too much or flirting with a girl that wasn’t his fiancé. And he definitely never wouldn’t have been encouraged to cover up a sin with a lie! But unfortunately, John, like many other people in our world, encircled himself with a fellowship of fools rather than walking with the wise.
There are two reasons why I want to share this proverb with you today. The first is that I have recently witnessed many people make similar mistakes. I have watched people from within and outside of our church make major life decisions independent of their communities. And even worse: they have consulted with idiots, accepted foolish advice, and have fallen away from God. And now they are suffering harm as a result.
The second reason for preaching this proverb is that I want us to see another aspect of community in our “Culture, Community, and Civility” initiative. We have been focusing on how our church can be a blessing by building bridges with the community, but I also want us to understanding the importance of building strong personal communities so we might experience their blessings and avoid making major life mistakes.
The Fellowship of Fools
I would like to begin our examination of this proverb by dissecting the second half of it—“the companion of fools suffers harm.” This is really the point of the story I just told you. It simply means that the person who finds themselves in the fellowship of fools will suffer harm. But what is a fool? Webster defines a fool as “someone who lacks sound judgment or prudence.” The Bible has a few definitions of a fool. Proverbs 10:23 says, “A fool finds pleasure in evil conduct…” Psalm 14:1 says, “The fool says in his heart ‘There is no God.’” My own personal definition of a fool is a conflation of all of these: “a fool is someone who ignores God’s ways and says and does stupid things!”
Proverbs 20:13 is telling us that negative peer pressure is real. The New Testament equivalent of this verse is 1 Corinthians 15:33: “Bad company corrupts good character.” Foolishness rubs off on people. This is why so many parents have used the saying, “If all of your friends jumped off a bridge, would you do it too.” Tragically, the answer is too often “Yes!”
Look at the words again—the companion of fools suffers harm. Who are your closest friends? With whom do you spend the majority of your time? Are they people who know and love God? Are they people who encourage you to honor God in everything you do? Are they people who make good decisions in their own life and challenge you to do the same? Or are they fools that drag you down?
Dinner with a Sinner
Now some of you may be thinking about last Sunday’s sermon and asking yourself, “What gives? Last week’s sermon on the prodigal son chided us to welcome tax collectors and sinners like Jesus did. Was Joey Barney off base when he told us to eat dinner with a sinner? Now you are telling us to avoid bad company. Which one is right?” Well, the answer is both. On one hand, God wants us to spend time with sinners so that we may share the gospel of Jesus Christ with them. But on the other hand, he doesn’t want us to be unduly influenced by the company of fools. Yes, we should spend time with sinners, but they should not be the ones we confide in or seek counsel from!
Walking with the Wise
Instead, the first half of the proverb teaches us the secret to becoming wise: walk with the wise! But what does it mean to be wise. The Oxford English Dictionary defines wisdom as “The capacity of judging rightly in matters relating to life and conduct; soundness of judgement in the choice of means and ends; sound sense, especially in practical matters.” Wisdom is more than just knowledge or intelligence. It is the right application of knowledge. The great Baptist preacher Charles Haddon Spurgeon defined wisdom as “the right use of knowledge.”
So, this proverb tells us that the best way to grow in wisdom is to walk with the wise, which is a metaphor for spending time with people who are wise—conversing with people who know and love God—seeking the counsel of people who put his Word into action—gaining the guidance of people who have already gone through what you are going through.
Let me ask you again: who are your closest friends? Are you walking with the wise? Have you surrounded yourself with people who are prudent, judicious, and sensible? Do you have a strong network and community of wise people to help you through life? And do you seek out godly advice, especially when you are making major life decisions?
Therefore, I urge you to make it a regular life practice to walk with the wise. In general, you will make better decisions and live a better life as a result. Also, if you are struggling with some specific issue, relationship, or situation, find a godly person to help you work through it! Ask a wise person what they think about it! Ask them how they think God would want you to handle it! Ask them to be brutally honest with you and not just go along with what you already think! I guarantee that you will be the better for it!
Allow me to conclude with a personal story. I have shared this with some of you before, but it is worthy of repeating here. I have made three great decisions in my life. The first one was to become a follower of Jesus Christ. The second one was to marry my wife Jennifer. And the third was to become the pastor of this church. All three of these were major life altering decisions and the reason why they all turned out wonderful was because I didn’t make them alone. Each of these decisions was slowly vetted by the wisest people that I know.
My pastor, Loy Mershimer, who is now a Presbyterian minister in Okeechobee, FL is one of the wisest people I have ever met. He is the one who shared the gospel of Jesus Christ with me and helped develop my faith and character. I will never forget the feeling of anxiety I had when I finally sought his counsel about marrying Jennifer. The reason why I was so afraid to ask his advice was because he shot down every other girl I had dated. He always found some problem with the girl’s character or my motivation in the relationship, and the conversation always ended with him saying that he did not think it was God’s will for me to be with her.
But to my great surprise, when I asked him about marrying Jennifer, he looked me in the eye and said, “You’d be a complete moron not to marry her!” I was absolutely elated! Everyone else I had asked essentially said the same thing. All of the wisest people in my life, including my relationship nemesis, confirmed God’s will for me to marry Jennifer. And I think you all know how that has turned out!
Friends, avoid the company of fools and you will save yourself harm! Walk with the wise and you will become wise! Use the church community that God has given you and you will be blessed!