English Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw were never exactly what you might call friends. Shaw never missed an opportunity to take a stab at Churchill. He sent him two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays with this message attached, “Dear Winston: Here are two tickets. Bring a friend if you have one.” Churchill promptly returned the tickets with this note, “Dear Mr. Shaw: Unfortunately, a prior engagement prevents me from attending opening night. But I would like a ticket for the second night, if there is one.”
Friendship is a voluntary relationship built around common interests, desires, and goals. Unlike other important relationships, friendship is not defined by kinship, legal ties, or formal social obligations. Normally, there are no ceremonies surrounding the formation of a friendship. In fact, friendships rarely begin with two people declaring that, “from this day forward, we will be friends.” Rather, friendships develop gradually and often unwittingly as the partners begin doing things together.
God created friendship as a fundamental aspect of human civilization. It is a relationship that exists universally across cultures, and it deepens and enriches personal and community life. On one hand, it is impossible to live well without friends. On the other hand, friends can be a major source of pain, grief, and frustration. Our friendships, like everything else in our lives, are tainted with sin. To help us navigate through the sinful follies of friendship, God used Solomon to compose some proverbs about wisdom and friendship.
Caution in Friendship
Proverbs 12:26- This proverb sets the foundation for all of the other proverbs that deal with the topic of friendship. Solomon knew the power and influence friends have over a person’s life, so he warned the young people of Israel to be cautious when choosing friends. Righteous people will surround themselves with other righteous people and avoid making friends with people who will lead them astray. By leading astray, he means being led away from a relationship with God and the kind of attitudes and behaviors that God desires.
This is why parents don’t want their children becoming friends with kids who will be a bad influence over them. This is why we must be careful who we choose to spend our time with and get close to. We all go to school with people, work with people, or are in contact with people who can drag us down, so we need to be cautious!
I had such a hard time understanding this when I was young. In spite of my grandmothers objections, my best friend was Jessie Witchen, a boy who lived just three houses up the road from me. Jesse was a really rough kid who came from a rough family and got in trouble all of the time. Jessie’s parents didn’t have any rules for him to follow and I thought they were so cool. They grew marijuana in their back yard and smoked it in their home all the time. That was just one of the many reasons why the cops were always at their house. It wasn’t until years later that I realized why their house always smelled so musty.
Now that I think about it, Jessie taught me a lot. He taught me how to pick locks, break into places, steal beer, drink bourbon whiskey, smoke cigarettes, chew tobacco, vandalize other people’s property, rebel against authority, bully other kids, and lie about everything. He also taught me some cuss words and insults that I didn’t even know existed. Indeed, he was a bad influence. He led me astray into many illegal, immoral, and unethical behaviors. I wasn’t very cautious when choosing friends!
How about you? Who are your closest friends? How cautious are you cautious when choosing your friends? Do they pick you up or drag you down? Do they make you more like Jesus or draw you away from him? Regardless of our age, our friends have a significant influence over the way we think and live!
Well, Proverbs not only tells us that we need to be cautious when choosing friends, but it also gives us the criteria to help us do it. It shows us 8 qualities to look for in a friend and 5 characteristics to avoid. Let’s begin with the qualities to look for!
Qualities to Look for in Friendship
1.) Wisdom (13:20)
We become like the people with whom we associate! The person who habitually spends time with the wise becomes wiser yet, but the person who surrounds himself or herself with fools will become more foolish. Our friends influence us for better or worse.
Saint Augustine once said, “I would rather have speeches that are true than those which contain merely nice distinctions. Just as I would rather have friends who are wise than merely those who are handsome.”
2.) Love (17:17)
A true friend is someone who shows loves at all times. This includes times of adversity. “A brother is born for adversity” does not mean that he is the one causing the friction, but a brother is there through thick and thin in order to provide help during adversity.
Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league baseball. Breaking baseball’s color barrier, he faced jeering crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. The fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered. Then, shortstop Pee Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
3.) Loyalty (18:24)
Too many friends can be hazardous because you can’t be loyal to everyone. On the other hand, some friendships evidence so much loyalty that they even surpass the biological relationship between brothers.
Two men were hunting in a forest in the northwest. Suddenly one yelled and the other looked up and saw a large grizzly bear charging at them. The first man frantically took off his boots and put on his tennis shoes. His friend anxiously asked, “What are you doing? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a grizzly bear?” “I don’t have to outrun a grizzly; I just have to outrun you!” So much for loyalty! So much for friendship!
4.) Faithfulness (20:6)
Talk is cheap, but true faithfulness is difficult to find! Many people claim that they will be there when you need them, but will they really come through?
Sam Rayburn, Speaker of the House of Representatives longer than any other man in history in the middle part of the twentieth century, was a man of faithfulness. When the teenage daughter of a friend suddenly died one night, Rayburn went to his house early the next morning and said, “I just came by to see what I could do to help.”
The father responded in his deep grief, “I don’t think there is anything you can do. We are making all of the arrangements.” “Well,” Mr. Rayburn said, “have you had your coffee this morning?” The man replied that he had not taken time for breakfast. So Mr. Rayburn said that he could at least make the coffee. While he was working in the kitchen, the father came in and said, “I thought you were supposed to be at a meeting at the White House this morning?” “I was,” he said, “but I called the President and told him that I had a friend in trouble, and I couldn’t come.”
5.) Purity (22:11)
True friendship depends on a pure heart. If one’s core personality is corrupt, there is no way they can retain a good relationship over a period of time. A pure heart not only helps one get good friends, but it also helps one get good friends in high places.
The great spiritual writer Jeremy Taylor describes purity in friendship when he says, “By friendship you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest sufferings, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable.”
6.) Gracious Speech (22:11)
Gracious speech is the outflow of a pure heart. True friends are openly encouraging and edifying to one another; they don’t berate, belittle, or hurt each other with their words.
The brilliant British novelist George Eliot once observed, “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
7.) Honesty (27:9)
Just as the sweet smell of perfume and incense brings a joy to the heart, friends who are completely honest and give earnest counsel make life pleasant.
8.) Closeness (27:10)
This proverb is not a jab at family members but an exaltation of friends. For those who do not live close to family it is especially necessary to have close friends: closeness of proximity and relationship. It is a great benefit to have a close friend that you can run to in a time of disaster.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle highlights closeness when he says, “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Transition- Well, just as Proverbs gives us some qualities to look for in a friend, it also highlights characteristics to avoid in choosing a friend. Let’s look at five of these!
Characteristics to Avoid in Friendship
1.) Perversity (16:28)
Perverse people deliberately deviate from what is good. They are prone to disobedience, disagreeableness, and a lack of discipline. Their lack of moral fiber causes them to stir up dissention in families and among friends.
2.) Gossip (16:28)
Likewise, people who gossip (that is sharing information with people to whom it is not intended) destroy friendships because there is no trust. Gossip is a form of betrayal and it leads to the disintegration of relationships.
Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, “Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let’s do the same. Confession is good for the soul.” In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn’t confess. The others pressed him saying, “Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?” Finally he answered, “It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here.” Those preachers weren’t friends anymore.
3.) Bitterness (17:9)
True friends think the best of each other and overlook offenses. On the other hand, a person who constantly harps on problems and holds grudges robs the opportunity to develop a relationship. Bitterness leads to isolation and loneliness.
E. Stanley Jones once observed, “A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is–a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.”
4.) Anger (22:24-25)
This proverb is an imperative command against becoming friends with a hot-tempered person. People with short fuses are difficult to have a relationship with because you never know when they are going to blow up. Even worse, sometimes their angry behavior rubs off on us and so do their consequences.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”
5.) Clinginess (25:17)
This proverb is not trying to say that you should never spend time at a friend’s house; it is simply warning that you should not overstay your welcome or become clingy. Too much of virtually any good thing will have negative consequences, this is especially true for friendships. Clingy people were you out and you don’t want to be around them anymore.
Who are your friends? What kind of people do you associate with? Do they exhibit these 8 qualities and influence you in the right direction? Or do they possess these 5 characteristics and lead you down the wrong path? Friends are so important, make sure you are cautious and choose wisely!
Jesse Owens seemed sure to win the long jump at the 1936 games. The year before he had jumped 26 feet, 8 1/4 inches — a record that would stand for 25 years. As he walked to the long-jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue eyed, blond German taking practice jumps in the 26-foot range. Owens felt nervous. He was acutely aware of the Nazis’ desire to prove “Aryan superiority,” especially over blacks.
At this point, the tall German introduced himself as Luz Long. “You should be able to qualify with your eyes closed!” he said to Owens, referring to his two jumps. For the next few moments the black son of a sharecropper and the white model of Nazi manhood chatted. Then Long made a suggestion. Since the qualifying distance was only 23 feet, 5 1/2 inches, why not make a mark several inches before the takeoff board and jump from there, just to play it safe? Owens did and qualified easily.
In the finals Owens set an Olympic record and earned the second of four gold medals. The first person to congratulate him was Luz Long — in full view of Adolf Hitler. Owens never again saw Long, who was killed in World War II. “You could melt down all the medals and cups I have,” Owens later wrote, “and they wouldn’t be a platting on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long.”
This entry was posted in Sermons. Bookmark the permalink. Both comments and trackbacks are currently closed.
Wisdom & Friendship: Who to Choose?
(Proverbs)
English Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Irish playwright George Bernard Shaw were never exactly what you might call friends. Shaw never missed an opportunity to take a stab at Churchill. He sent him two tickets to the opening night of one of his plays with this message attached, “Dear Winston: Here are two tickets. Bring a friend if you have one.” Churchill promptly returned the tickets with this note, “Dear Mr. Shaw: Unfortunately, a prior engagement prevents me from attending opening night. But I would like a ticket for the second night, if there is one.”
Friendship is a voluntary relationship built around common interests, desires, and goals. Unlike other important relationships, friendship is not defined by kinship, legal ties, or formal social obligations. Normally, there are no ceremonies surrounding the formation of a friendship. In fact, friendships rarely begin with two people declaring that, “from this day forward, we will be friends.” Rather, friendships develop gradually and often unwittingly as the partners begin doing things together.
God created friendship as a fundamental aspect of human civilization. It is a relationship that exists universally across cultures, and it deepens and enriches personal and community life. On one hand, it is impossible to live well without friends. On the other hand, friends can be a major source of pain, grief, and frustration. Our friendships, like everything else in our lives, are tainted with sin. To help us navigate through the sinful follies of friendship, God used Solomon to compose some proverbs about wisdom and friendship.
Caution in Friendship
Proverbs 12:26- This proverb sets the foundation for all of the other proverbs that deal with the topic of friendship. Solomon knew the power and influence friends have over a person’s life, so he warned the young people of Israel to be cautious when choosing friends. Righteous people will surround themselves with other righteous people and avoid making friends with people who will lead them astray. By leading astray, he means being led away from a relationship with God and the kind of attitudes and behaviors that God desires.
This is why parents don’t want their children becoming friends with kids who will be a bad influence over them. This is why we must be careful who we choose to spend our time with and get close to. We all go to school with people, work with people, or are in contact with people who can drag us down, so we need to be cautious!
I had such a hard time understanding this when I was young. In spite of my grandmothers objections, my best friend was Jessie Witchen, a boy who lived just three houses up the road from me. Jesse was a really rough kid who came from a rough family and got in trouble all of the time. Jessie’s parents didn’t have any rules for him to follow and I thought they were so cool. They grew marijuana in their back yard and smoked it in their home all the time. That was just one of the many reasons why the cops were always at their house. It wasn’t until years later that I realized why their house always smelled so musty.
Now that I think about it, Jessie taught me a lot. He taught me how to pick locks, break into places, steal beer, drink bourbon whiskey, smoke cigarettes, chew tobacco, vandalize other people’s property, rebel against authority, bully other kids, and lie about everything. He also taught me some cuss words and insults that I didn’t even know existed. Indeed, he was a bad influence. He led me astray into many illegal, immoral, and unethical behaviors. I wasn’t very cautious when choosing friends!
How about you? Who are your closest friends? How cautious are you cautious when choosing your friends? Do they pick you up or drag you down? Do they make you more like Jesus or draw you away from him? Regardless of our age, our friends have a significant influence over the way we think and live!
Well, Proverbs not only tells us that we need to be cautious when choosing friends, but it also gives us the criteria to help us do it. It shows us 8 qualities to look for in a friend and 5 characteristics to avoid. Let’s begin with the qualities to look for!
Qualities to Look for in Friendship
1.) Wisdom (13:20)
We become like the people with whom we associate! The person who habitually spends time with the wise becomes wiser yet, but the person who surrounds himself or herself with fools will become more foolish. Our friends influence us for better or worse.
Saint Augustine once said, “I would rather have speeches that are true than those which contain merely nice distinctions. Just as I would rather have friends who are wise than merely those who are handsome.”
2.) Love (17:17)
A true friend is someone who shows loves at all times. This includes times of adversity. “A brother is born for adversity” does not mean that he is the one causing the friction, but a brother is there through thick and thin in order to provide help during adversity.
Jackie Robinson was the first black to play major league baseball. Breaking baseball’s color barrier, he faced jeering crowds in every stadium. While playing one day in his home stadium in Brooklyn, he committed an error. The fans began to ridicule him. He stood at second base, humiliated, while the fans jeered. Then, shortstop Pee Wee Reese came over and stood next to him. He put his arm around Jackie Robinson and faced the crowd. The fans grew quiet. Robinson later said that arm around his shoulder saved his career.
3.) Loyalty (18:24)
Too many friends can be hazardous because you can’t be loyal to everyone. On the other hand, some friendships evidence so much loyalty that they even surpass the biological relationship between brothers.
Two men were hunting in a forest in the northwest. Suddenly one yelled and the other looked up and saw a large grizzly bear charging at them. The first man frantically took off his boots and put on his tennis shoes. His friend anxiously asked, “What are you doing? Don’t you know you can’t outrun a grizzly bear?” “I don’t have to outrun a grizzly; I just have to outrun you!” So much for loyalty! So much for friendship!
4.) Faithfulness (20:6)
Talk is cheap, but true faithfulness is difficult to find! Many people claim that they will be there when you need them, but will they really come through?
Sam Rayburn, Speaker of the House of Representatives longer than any other man in history in the middle part of the twentieth century, was a man of faithfulness. When the teenage daughter of a friend suddenly died one night, Rayburn went to his house early the next morning and said, “I just came by to see what I could do to help.”
The father responded in his deep grief, “I don’t think there is anything you can do. We are making all of the arrangements.” “Well,” Mr. Rayburn said, “have you had your coffee this morning?” The man replied that he had not taken time for breakfast. So Mr. Rayburn said that he could at least make the coffee. While he was working in the kitchen, the father came in and said, “I thought you were supposed to be at a meeting at the White House this morning?” “I was,” he said, “but I called the President and told him that I had a friend in trouble, and I couldn’t come.”
5.) Purity (22:11)
True friendship depends on a pure heart. If one’s core personality is corrupt, there is no way they can retain a good relationship over a period of time. A pure heart not only helps one get good friends, but it also helps one get good friends in high places.
The great spiritual writer Jeremy Taylor describes purity in friendship when he says, “By friendship you mean the greatest love, the greatest usefulness, the most open communication, the noblest sufferings, the severest truth, the heartiest counsel, and the greatest union of minds of which brave men and women are capable.”
6.) Gracious Speech (22:11)
Gracious speech is the outflow of a pure heart. True friends are openly encouraging and edifying to one another; they don’t berate, belittle, or hurt each other with their words.
The brilliant British novelist George Eliot once observed, “Oh, the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person, having neither to weigh thoughts, nor measure words, but to pour them all out just as they are, chaff and grain together knowing that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then, with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.
7.) Honesty (27:9)
Just as the sweet smell of perfume and incense brings a joy to the heart, friends who are completely honest and give earnest counsel make life pleasant.
8.) Closeness (27:10)
This proverb is not a jab at family members but an exaltation of friends. For those who do not live close to family it is especially necessary to have close friends: closeness of proximity and relationship. It is a great benefit to have a close friend that you can run to in a time of disaster.
The Greek philosopher Aristotle highlights closeness when he says, “Friendship is a single soul dwelling in two bodies.”
Transition- Well, just as Proverbs gives us some qualities to look for in a friend, it also highlights characteristics to avoid in choosing a friend. Let’s look at five of these!
Characteristics to Avoid in Friendship
1.) Perversity (16:28)
Perverse people deliberately deviate from what is good. They are prone to disobedience, disagreeableness, and a lack of discipline. Their lack of moral fiber causes them to stir up dissention in families and among friends.
2.) Gossip (16:28)
Likewise, people who gossip (that is sharing information with people to whom it is not intended) destroy friendships because there is no trust. Gossip is a form of betrayal and it leads to the disintegration of relationships.
Four preachers met for a friendly gathering. During the conversation one preacher said, “Our people come to us and pour out their hears, confess certain sins and needs. Let’s do the same. Confession is good for the soul.” In due time all agreed. One confessed he liked to go to movies and would sneak off when away from his church. The second confessed to liking to smoke cigars and the third one confessed to liking to play cards. When it came to the fourth one, he wouldn’t confess. The others pressed him saying, “Come now, we confessed ours. What is your secret or vice?” Finally he answered, “It is gossiping and I can hardly wait to get out of here.” Those preachers weren’t friends anymore.
3.) Bitterness (17:9)
True friends think the best of each other and overlook offenses. On the other hand, a person who constantly harps on problems and holds grudges robs the opportunity to develop a relationship. Bitterness leads to isolation and loneliness.
E. Stanley Jones once observed, “A rattlesnake, if cornered, will sometimes become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is–a biting of oneself. We think that we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves.”
4.) Anger (22:24-25)
This proverb is an imperative command against becoming friends with a hot-tempered person. People with short fuses are difficult to have a relationship with because you never know when they are going to blow up. Even worse, sometimes their angry behavior rubs off on us and so do their consequences.
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame. Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one.”
5.) Clinginess (25:17)
This proverb is not trying to say that you should never spend time at a friend’s house; it is simply warning that you should not overstay your welcome or become clingy. Too much of virtually any good thing will have negative consequences, this is especially true for friendships. Clingy people were you out and you don’t want to be around them anymore.
Who are your friends? What kind of people do you associate with? Do they exhibit these 8 qualities and influence you in the right direction? Or do they possess these 5 characteristics and lead you down the wrong path? Friends are so important, make sure you are cautious and choose wisely!
Jesse Owens seemed sure to win the long jump at the 1936 games. The year before he had jumped 26 feet, 8 1/4 inches — a record that would stand for 25 years. As he walked to the long-jump pit, however, Owens saw a tall, blue eyed, blond German taking practice jumps in the 26-foot range. Owens felt nervous. He was acutely aware of the Nazis’ desire to prove “Aryan superiority,” especially over blacks.
At this point, the tall German introduced himself as Luz Long. “You should be able to qualify with your eyes closed!” he said to Owens, referring to his two jumps. For the next few moments the black son of a sharecropper and the white model of Nazi manhood chatted. Then Long made a suggestion. Since the qualifying distance was only 23 feet, 5 1/2 inches, why not make a mark several inches before the takeoff board and jump from there, just to play it safe? Owens did and qualified easily.
In the finals Owens set an Olympic record and earned the second of four gold medals. The first person to congratulate him was Luz Long — in full view of Adolf Hitler. Owens never again saw Long, who was killed in World War II. “You could melt down all the medals and cups I have,” Owens later wrote, “and they wouldn’t be a platting on the 24-carat friendship I felt for Luz Long.”